man v. beast

In my opinion, the argument that opposable thumbs are what separates mankind from most beasts is totes flurft (which is a word I just made up that means exaggerated, sweaty and dull ALL AT THE SAME TIME).

My qualm is, why doesn't anyone ever talk about this:

I think what really sets mankind apart from most beasts is that mankind can grow a mean moustache. Beasts can not. Most beasts just throw their faeces around.
So quit waving your opposable thumbs at me and grow a God damn 'stache. Plus, it will match beautifully with your favourite argyle jumper.


  1. ...can't....grow....moustache....
    Am I sub-human because I'm female???

  2. the two are mutually exclusive (being sub-human and female, that is). I feel like if we wanted to, women could grow moustaches ( I suppose we would have to dig deep in to our testosterone) and we can definitely grow a good armpit forest of fur. It's just that I like moustaches. They're funny.

  3. Develop a hormonal imbalance (testosterone injections, etc) and the 'stache shall bloom.