candy for breakfast: 2011

superkunt

I gotta be honest with you guys, I kind of put the "vagina" in "superhero"

(shame tastes like latex)

pounding grape is an important part of my balanced diet.

long day

Pavement cracks are just fossilized vaginas, probably.

Dear Dad,

I'm sorry for the time I broke your flashlight and blamed it on the rain, I'm sorry for the time I made you leave your party to come pick me up from a sleepover because I was scared of the girl's smelly grandmother, I'm sorry for giving you an ant for your birthday once, I'm sorry for being a really annoying teenager and thinking I always knew better, I'm sorry for stealing your moustache scissors to cut my nails, I'm sorry for all those buttmunch boys that I brought home and made you entertain, I'm sorry for the time I got lost in LA cause I wanted to see the parrot that spat fire, I'm sorry for accidentally slapping you in the face that one time you woke me up early for school, I'm sorry for the broken windows and breaking mom's vagina.

idiot.

KUMKWATS!!!!!!.....(I didn't want you guys to forget about them, they're very sensitive.)

doctor's orders?

My inappropriate friend thinks her vagina may be depressed. Her doctor suggested that she insert some suppositories...he means dick right?

i can't

Ever have one of those days when you can't handle anything? yeah...me neither.

Minora Fluttersnatch, Queen of the Flyginas

I was trying to draw a vaginasaurus (a commissioned piece) but I accidentally drew a vagina butterfly instead. Story of my bloody life!

I asked the strangers on facebook to name this creation. Adam's brain exploded when he came out with this:

Meet Minora Fluttersnatch, Queen of the Flyginas.

Below is the work in progress (the wings are going to be a tiny bit more elaborate) Holler at me if you're interested in the original!

that party sucks

vegetables...fuck 'em.

custom cartoon

I can do custom cartoons, no big deal. Please email me at eke@candyforbfast.com if you are interested.

Below is an example of one with my goggie, Olive.

eke's anatomy

eke & a red balloon

romantic eke is dumb

your face is of no use

I know I love you because...

save a boob

do it for yourself or your mom or your aunt or your sister or your grandmother or your best guy friend who's moobs tried to kill him...it doesnt matter, just save a boob.

October is breast cancer awareness month, so put some damn coins in the donation thing when you're paying for your candy. Also buy some candy.

don't hate

I do not wish to talk about work here, but all I do all bloody day is loads of law, maths and economics. So after a long day at work doing endless readings of ridiculous torts, integrations and regressions - I WINE. And ooooooh it's always a good idea!

You see, wine is one of the only things that matter to me, apart from sleep and headache medicine (interestingly, both of the latter are usually a consequence of the former - feeck - I may have a problem - but that is not for today's discussion - deny deny deny!!!).

So I will conclude with this: there are two types of people I don't trust, people who collect stickers and people who don't like red wine.

turnstiles

I don't know about you, and maybe this is because I have what I sometimes refer to as my 'front tail' - a somewhat protruding pelvic bone(r) - but turnstiles tend to molest me.

And for the record, I know for a fact that this doesn't happen to just me cause some chicca on twitter said so. That twitter chicca also has some seriously funny comics.

chapped lips

all the ipods are sad today

There is so much to say about this man, that any opening statement seems hardly good enough...I can only say: thank you for a job well done, sir.

peter piper picked a peck of pickled penis

next time you eat a pickle...check that it's not a turtle penis first.

AWAY FROM ORIFICE

I will not be able to post any new cartoons for the next three days.

But I will leave you with this, if ever you find yourself wanting to strangle a paraplegic, just don't.

See you in a few days my loves!