I gotta be honest with you guys, I kind of put the "vagina" in "superhero"

(shame tastes like latex)

pounding grape is an important part of my balanced diet.

long day

Pavement cracks are just fossilized vaginas, probably.

open letter to my dad

Dear Dad,

I'm sorry for the time I broke your flashlight and blamed it on the rain, I'm sorry for the time I made you leave your party to come pick me up from a sleepover because I was scared of the girl's smelly grandmother, I'm sorry for giving you an ant for your birthday once, I'm sorry for being a really annoying teenager and thinking I always knew better, I'm sorry for stealing your moustache scissors to cut my nails, I'm sorry for all those buttmunch boys that I brought home and made you entertain, I'm sorry for the time I got lost in LA cause I wanted to see the parrot that spat fire, I'm sorry for accidentally slapping you in the face that one time you woke me up early for school, I'm sorry for the broken windows and breaking mom's vagina.


KUMKWATS!!!!!!.....(I didn't want you guys to forget about them, they're very sensitive.)