no!


Being an adult is sometimes so bloody awful, especially so in the mornings. Maybe mornings are easier when you're Kate Middleton - or say - John Stamos. I feel like such beautiful people get to wake up to gentle kisses, fresh daisies and a feeling of warmth which let's them know they're safe. My mornings consist of me being dunked in a vat of fuck. And being an adult, mornings and I do not go well together - like hummus and chocolate.

Probably just like every second person in the world, the only redeeming factor of being an adult, awake at 7am and going to work is getting to drink coffee. And this morning's coffee shop episode made me laugh.

I was in such a particularly bad way this morning because I had not played my cards right on the tube and didn’t get a seat. I ended up spending 15 minutes with my face rammed up against the glass door and someone's walking stick wedged up my ass.

You know how there are usually two nerds behind the counter, the one that takes your order and the one that makes your order? Yeah, well this morning, a beautiful blond nerd took my order (she probably is woken up a la John Stamos) and I almost cried at what came next. She would not stop TALKING TO ME about the WEATHER about the WEEK, "oooh tomorrow's Fridaaaaay!!!". I was minutes away from screaming "God I wish you would just shut up. Why are you talking so loud?! What is wrong with you? Cant you tell that I'm on the very brink of a nervous breakdown and that any immediate noise may just instigate it?! It could be the very demise of my sanity you foolish little beautiful woman!!! For the good of humanity coffee woman SHUT UP!" and laying the side of my face on the counter and calling it a day.  

Then I heard "JUAN GRANDE SKEEEENIE LATTE" from the Mexicoffee angel nerd that makes the orders....fuck.yes. I immediately ditched the blond and replied "mine" trying to sound as cool as possible when actually I wanted to kiss her big cheeks and give her a 'best friends forever' bracelet. 


What are some of your morning horror stories? 

24 comments:

  1. Lol... this is a painfully funny post! How you managed to not get violent with the beautiful blonde nerd is beyond me lol

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    1. Thanks dude. Yeah, it was a rough morning. It's almost 17h and Im seriously still recovering.

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  2. Hurray lol... I just saw your comment on my blog - I thought you would like it! So happy that it kept you laughing.

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  3. Hahah i have no horror stories, but i HATE it when i have early morning meetings, like my 930 today. Wamp.

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  4. My morning horror story: getting up at 6:00 AM to BE the barista who opens the coffee shop at 7:30 AM. I, too, hate making conversation with people (you would've loved ordering from me). You'd think most people would be too damn tired to chat that early in the morning, but you'd be wrong. Chatty customers drove me crazy. Plus, trying to remember the more complicated orders that early was like performing brain surgery. But I somehow managed never to screw one up! Yay me!

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    1. UGH, yes, BEING the barista is awful! Especially when you haven't had time to sit and enjoy coffee yourself! We opened at 6:30 (I had be there by 6:00) and I had to walk a mile and a half to work (even in the snow!). UGH.

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    2. Haley, where are you in my mornings?! I feel like you may be the perfect barista and I your perfect customer.

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  5. Hahaha this is great. I know exactly what you mean with the over-chipper barista. Also, I love your description of your morning on the tube. Happens so often on the buses on campus.

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    1. I usually cycle to work, and not because I like to, but because my tube journeys to work is like a circus and a zoo at the same time and I can't handle it.

      But generally, the squash of rush hour can do strange things to normal people. I find it desperately hard not to decapitate someone with an umbrella.

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  6. People who are chipper and happy in the morning while whistling a happy tune, well I think they are like Bambi...and I am Godzilla ready to meet them:) Do you recall that old cartoon, if not check it out on Youtube..."Bambi meets Godzilla"

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    1. Those people are satan. SATAN! It is not normal to be that chatty early in the morning.

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  7. You should become famous with your drawings and then stay at home all day and drink coffee! =]

    But only after I do, okay? lol

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    1. Yes, well - you're well on your way aren't you?! My little blog that could will be famous one day, and then I'll never get out of bed and I'll never have to shower or put on clean pants. But so far....it looks pretty bleak eef...

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  8. Are you for real from England? I got way to excited when you said "bloody awful" and "the tube". I'm new here.

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    1. Hello Alaina. Welcome to my irreverent blurg! I am indeed from England. I hope to see you back here soon!

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  9. I was tired in the supermarket after being tired at college and there were people with trolleys in my way and I just wanted to say 'what the fuck are you doing blocking up the aisle?! Get out of the fucking way!' but I smiled and said 'excuse me'. One of the disappointing things about being a grown up is you can't get away with pushing people out of the way anymore.

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    1. I know, the things that go on in our minds...thank god we don't have the courage to say them out loud or we would have no friends.

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  10. Wow - so glad you don't have those dumb hard to read lately word verifications.

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    1. I seriously hate those. When I comment on people's blogs who have those, I secretly curse them out.

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  11. Thanks for following, back at you, said the woman drinking the trenta ice vanilla latte that she got free as a reward for drinking 10 previous starbucks lovers.

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