pregnancy

Most immature thing about me: it makes me uncomfortable when people tell me they are pregnant.

Not because the thought of that person having sex makes me uncomfortable or that I don't like kids. In fact, I actually like being around pregnant women because they tend to be really open about their lady parts and tell me about them in great detail. When my older sister dickhead was pregnant with Napoleon I got to learn all about how  a woman's pikachu turns purple and also mucus plugs.

No, it's not the pregnancy that makes me uncomfortable, it's the physical announcement that makes me twitch. Cause of the congratulations.

When it comes down to the moment you are meant to congratulate someone on their pregnancy, I go right to the peen. All I can think about is how I am essentially congratulating someone for not having made a cum stain.

My brain activates psychological chaos mode and my butt starts to sweat cause all I can do is think about how funny the situation actually is and then I start to picture myself patting their genitals in a congratulatory manner which is uncomfortable and funny at the same time so I am trying not to giggle or spray-spit laugh and I'm still sweating and then I explode on the inside.


http://iblog4.me

http://iblog4.me

20 comments:

  1. Fron now own I'm referring to my vagina as pikachu.
    Hilarious post!!

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    1. Thanks Aysh. I refer to my vagina as Mike.

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  2. AHH! So funny. The idea of little animals patting genitals in congratulations is awesome...
    I love the weird twists your imagination takes!

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    1. Thanks gweenbrick. Your imagination ain't bad either...I mean your unborn baby speaks to you in Spanglish, which made me spit laugh.

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  3. LOLOLOL This post is AWESOME. hahahaha

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  4. i just find it so bizarre that it deserves a congratulatory response "i'm so happy that between you, you managed to fine the right place to stick it" or "i'm so glad that neither of you are so genetically fucked that you can pro-create" or "well done, on doing everything our teacher told us not to do". weird, it's just all so weird!!

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  5. Hahahha or what about when (because of whatever circumstances) you're not really sure if its a good thing? "You're pregnant? Ohh...that's...news."

    Fuck

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    1. HAHA! "that's...news" - good one Gia.

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  6. When I visited my sister to witness the birthing of my nephew, I greeted her husband at the airport with "Congratulations on knocking my sister up!"

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    1. ahaha! I gave mine a "thanks for making me a niece with your genitalia!!"

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  7. Lol... ok, I never had issues with this before - but now I will! I'll never be able to look at a newly pregnant couple in the eye again! lol... so funny... pat their genitals in congratulations! Great idea!

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    1. You're welcome Bozo, you're welcome.

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  8. Oooooh. You is funny. Lemme know if you'd want to do a guest post on my blog next week (I'm opening it up to guest bloggers every day because I'm just that lazy). mom@webandofmothers.com

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    1. boobs. yes. Would love to do a guest post :)

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  9. You'd probably appreciate that when people ask me why we never had kids my husband tells them it's because you can't make babies with spit. Sometimes we don't get invited back places.

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    1. I mean, obviously I am in love with your husband now. That is flippin' hilarious! Want to switch? I will trade you my blind fiancee for your funny husband.

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  10. eke- I thought you might enjoy my second drawing attempt:
    http://abozosabbozzo.blogspot.in/2012/02/music-ahem-monkey-video.html

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  11. Oh Eke - so glad we found each other. I get you - and I see I'm in good company ^

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    1. hah! thanks Julie. Hope to see you back here again.

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