Dudes fucking spit.
I do not like this. I don’t know why they do this, is it a penis thing? I don’t know. And I guess I don’t really need to know. All I know is that when they spit...my brain and I have a conflict of will power. I can be walking around all ‘raindrops on rosé and whisky in mittens’ and then I hear that “AAAaaaaargggttttttth SPLAT!” and ...oh God, I’m so gross.
This is the thing I do - disgustingly, unbearably, without fail, I do it – I look at their god damn spittle. That’s right. I shamefully look at the ugly mouth deuce that was spat out on the ground. And it’s bad enough that I look at it, but if I hear the splat and don’t see where it lands...I LOOK FOR IT!
And it’s never ok, I never look down and think “oh what a delightful slop that man just made with this mucus membranes!”, It always looks like day old vanilla custard and I always want to stop living afterwards. The shame and absolute revulsion that enters my body from this just sits and festers in the very core of my existence and will probably end up destroying me and likely planet earth.
So if you’re reading this and you’re a spitter, please stop. You’re going to kill us all.