rash, she calls it anal

I have this friend. Her name is Rash, and holy crap is she awesome. I call her Rash because she is a demon masturbator (her cooter probably gets all chafed and overused, hence ‘Rash’).

One of my favorite things about her is that we don’t even have to talk about how, pretty much, I am her favorite person. To be honest, I think she likes me so much; it essentially blurs the line between our friendship and lesbianism. Anyhow…

Rash is intelligent and wildly brave. She dresses fashionably and consistently. She is beautiful, loyal and outrageously funny. Rash is successful and determined. She does what she wants and she doesn’t fucking care if you like it.  

Rash is also a complete freak.

She has an artist’s eye for bumping uglies with gentlemen. Her vagina is not unlike Las Vegas - high traffic and full of glitter. She has no problem asking a guy from across the room to come over and sit on her face until her itch is scratched.  I’m telling you, this woman is one bold, boss, ball breaking mother fucker. She will not have your shit. She will not have it.

 "emotional compatibility and penis size are not mutually exclusive." - Rash 


  1. You girls should blur that line a little more and then poor Rash wouldn't have to masturbate so much. Just sayin'

  2. The EHarmony questionnaire is pricelessly funny. Sexual assertiveness like that is great and to be admired. I just hope that Rash doesn't object to me using "Demon Masturbator" as my Roller Derby name.

    1. I think I've seen Demon Masturbator in concert, actually.