a pregnant pause

eke is not handling this news very well...

To be fair, neither did I. When I found out that husband had filled my vagina with the filthy semen that will eventually become our child, I was in complete shock.

While husband can take his sweet time getting use to the idea -  on account that he has nine months or so to adjust - I, on the other hand, was immediately slapped across the face by mother nature. bitch.

One minute I was blissfully drunk on an island in the Caribbean, the next I was back home peeing on a stick and SPLAT - my life was instantaneously stripped of all the good in the world.

No Alcohol (oh, sweet satan juice how I miss you) 
No Coffee
No Cigarettes
No Soft cheese
No Smoked seafood
No Raw meat
No Deli meat
No Shellfish
No anything unpasteurised

I feel like women should get some kind of temporary pregnancy reprieve to experience something of a 'last hoorah'. A zygote-free night, with lots of explosions, minor nudity, pink wine and lots of tuxedos. Then we can go back to being pregnant.
 But that's not how it works, unfortunately, because mother nature is a vagina hating lunatic.

Where is Allie Brosh?


  1. Hahaha did you take smashmortion from scrubs? That's totally what I call it too. And no soft CHEESE??!? I hadnt heard that one before. Poor lady.

  2. Hahaha, that is a seriously messed up way to kill oneself - the mixer down the throat. But, eke always looks so cute doing anything. So, I should say congratulations? :)

  3. Why do I get the feeling that your posts for the next 8 or so months are going to be even funnier than normal?

    I am really going to enjoy your pregnancy xD.

    Congrats again!!

  4. My sincerest condolences. *takes sip of tasty tasty merlot* I mean, congrats?

  5. Best illustrations! Great blog

  6. Just wait'll ya see what Mother Nature does to your vagina to get that baby *out* of there! Not nearly as fun as getting it in.

  7. A little wine and then can't do THAT much damage. Right?

    "Quiet Danny, I'll tell you about the rabbits in a second." - Marianne

  8. Wahahaha! This was the exact same reaction I had.

  9. wow. applause. I'm sure our parents ate all the deli meat and shell fish they wanted and look how great our generation turned out...

  10. Uhhhh, congratulations? :D And your drawings are hysterical, as usual! Geddit? hysterical? LOLOL yeahhhh never mind. XD

  11. both cute and disturbing, makes me chuckle
    though I'm not sure if you're happy or not...

  12. Holy Moley I've missed so many of your posts! Wow preggers eh? You can eat as many strawberries as you want though...