open letter to my dad

Dear Dad,

I'm sorry for the time I broke your flashlight and blamed it on the rain, I'm sorry for the time I made you leave your party to come pick me up from a sleepover because I was scared of the girl's smelly grandmother, I'm sorry for giving you an ant for your birthday once, I'm sorry for being a really annoying teenager and thinking I always knew better, I'm sorry for stealing your moustache scissors to cut my nails, I'm sorry for all those buttmunch boys that I brought home and made you entertain, I'm sorry for the time I got lost in LA cause I wanted to see the parrot that spat fire, I'm sorry for accidentally slapping you in the face that one time you woke me up early for school, I'm sorry for the broken windows and breaking mom's vagina.


  1. Didn't think it was possible, but this is both super sweet & hilarious at the same time. I'm sure any Dad would be won over by that apology ;-)

  2. I can't vote on this stuff anymore?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

  3. I fixed the voting things on my site! You can vote again!