I am a terrible flirt. When I was single, my attempts in
flirtation were such disasters that my vagina would reach out from between my legs
and slap me across the face (splat!).
I was - and still am - convinced that everyone else's
dates were like short romantic comedies. With perfectly timed clumsy head buts
that predictably lead to the magical moment of their first kiss. My version was
something more like me tripping over something ridiculous like a leaf, falling
in a puddle of hobo crack barf, and nervously sweating so much my pickachu
smelled like crab cakes.
But my story ends well, as I am getting married to a man, a thing of wonder.
*yep, my cunt's a dude.
Lol well congratulations on the getting married to a man part - that's really nice to hear!
ReplyDeleteWas it his mouth that you talked and laughed into when you were kissed? It actually sounds sort of sweet ;-)
Thank you. And yes, it was him.
DeleteTotally romantic... to be shut up by a kiss! (you indicate that you weren't shut up - but I trust that eventually he won the battle)
Deletehahaha i love it!
ReplyDeleteCONGRATULATIONS!
Thanks eef! It's coming up pretty quickly...16th June!
DeleteWhat kind of guy kisses a girl when she's obviously in the middle of saying something hilarious? Good for you for being so forgiving as to marry the guy anyway. (and Congratulations! :)
ReplyDeleteHe's kind of almost as awkward as I am, and I also give no warning as to when my funny is going to explode. It just happens. The whole situation was just really awkward and sweaty. (Thanks!)
DeleteHahaha well congrats on finding someone who likes your crabcaked pikachu...:P
ReplyDeleteThanks Gia. Pickachu has recovered since...thank god.
DeleteHey, thanks for stopping by, and I'm glad you found us, because this is hilarious. Your cunt is a dude named Pikachu with the nervous sweats. You just cannot find that kind of creativity in other blogs.
ReplyDeleteGladly followed.
creativity...? Man, I love the internet. When I say this shit out loud people usually look at me like I have a butthole growing out of my forehead.
DeleteI feel your pain. My husband, then boyfriend, told me I was a bad kisser when we first started dating. Thankfully he decided to teach me with practice instead of running away in horror.
ReplyDeletepractice makes perfect!
Deleteyay you're getting married! Pikachu has got a friend *thumbs up*
ReplyDeleteI am indeed getting married - to a BOY. A real one with glasses, important ones.
DeleteHahaha! Loved this post. I have nothing witty to add.
ReplyDeleteThanks Baboon woman.
DeleteYes, pickachu = vagina. It's not so much a shock as it is just messy and awkward.
ReplyDeleteI mean, he bought me a vagina colouring book and a chocolate calculator. He's perfect.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I thought I should just clarify that I did not just get engaged. Although your congratulations are making my day...here is when it happened:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.candyforbfast.com/2011/05/also.html
Flirting can be really hard sometimes but you have to do it for something to happen. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHahaha, this is awesome. You are really good
ReplyDeleteWell congratulations for the newly weds! I hope I can find my love one soon i've been looking at plentyoffish.com for a perfect partner for me.
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