nananananana

can not brain

Ever have one of those days that never seems to end? I am having one of those days.

Nothing in particular happened today that would make it so intolerable, perhaps a minor but slightly jarring incident, initiated by some force of nature that cannot be blamed or scolded like gravity or sleeplessness or wind, but nothing I can really put my finger on.

Please! I would just like to go home, have a bath, eat some pizza and ice cream, play with my dumb dumb dog and call it a day.

So dearest today - that's enough. I kind of hate you for no reason at all, so please just get out of my face.

rawr

Waking up is hard to do

when I think about you I touch myself

If I offer you some of my gummy bears, I am just trying to be polite. If you actually take one, you're a dickbag forever. 

l'amour!

Love is patient, love is kind...

no!

Being an adult is sometimes so bloody awful, especially so in the mornings. Maybe mornings are easier when you're Kate Middleton - or say - John Stamos. I feel like such beautiful people get to wake up to gentle kisses, fresh daisies and a feeling of warmth which let's them know they're safe. My mornings consist of me being dunked in a vat of fuck. And being an adult, mornings and I do not go well together - like hummus and chocolate.

Probably just like every second person in the world, the only redeeming factor of being an adult, awake at 7am and going to work is getting to drink coffee. And this morning's coffee shop episode made me laugh.

I was in such a particularly bad way this morning because I had not played my cards right on the tube and didn’t get a seat. I ended up spending 15 minutes with my face rammed up against the glass door and someone's walking stick wedged up my ass.

You know how there are usually two nerds behind the counter, the one that takes your order and the one that makes your order? Yeah, well this morning, a beautiful blond nerd took my order (she probably is woken up a la John Stamos) and I almost cried at what came next. She would not stop TALKING TO ME about the WEATHER about the WEEK, "oooh tomorrow's Fridaaaaay!!!". I was minutes away from screaming "God I wish you would just shut up. Why are you talking so loud?! What is wrong with you? Cant you tell that I'm on the very brink of a nervous breakdown and that any immediate noise may just instigate it?! It could be the very demise of my sanity you foolish little beautiful woman!!! For the good of humanity coffee woman SHUT UP!" and laying the side of my face on the counter and calling it a day.  

Then I heard "JUAN GRANDE SKEEEENIE LATTE" from the Mexicoffee angel nerd that makes the orders....fuck.yes. I immediately ditched the blond and replied "mine" trying to sound as cool as possible when actually I wanted to kiss her big cheeks and give her a 'best friends forever' bracelet. 

What are some of your morning horror stories? 

idiot.

KUMKWATS!!!!!!.....(I didn't want you guys to forget about them, they're very sensitive.)

eke & a red balloon

romantic eke is dumb

broked'ed it.

i miss you only always

how I miss you...

allllllll by myyyyyseeeeelf

so lonely...

i dont know

I woke up and this is what came out of me. 

I once got so dirty, when I took a shower the water was actually brown.

It's not that I don't like to shower, I spend hours in the shower, especially when I bring chocolate in there with me. It's more that I just like to be dirty with unkempt hair.

boy's anatomy

This is not a vagina joke.