auto-flush

automatic toilets make me feel all hassled and hurried. Also they are really rude. Also I am scared of them.

no one likes you - not a soul

Nobody likes a tampon, not even pretty ones. Feel bad for them.

(I toyed with the idea of drawing a used tampon, a la Tracey Emin but I feared it. That Tracey bitch has balls!)

it's confusing.

I just don't see how its feasible. 

until their eyes pop out

what lovely fromage!! 

a bit of cheese

...i have a lot of irreverent posts coming, but in the meantime here is some shoddy cheese

also. . .

also this happened....

coffee beans and beans

Has anyone else ever noticed how coffee beans look like tiny vaginas?? Cause they do. I know it.

dumb dumb

according to her records, she was spayed last month, and the sutures from her operation weren't dissolving properly so she got a little infection. Then, whilst digging and sniffing around the garden she got bit by a spider and her face exploded to 7 times its usual size. Then she got her foot caught in the escalator on her way to the shelter which cut her foot and tore off two of the pads under her foot. She is recovered now, but this was how I got to know my dummy.

But all the while, even with her gimp foot, her swollen face and her infected sutures...she was still happier than most humans. 

i love wine!

worth it.

clambake

woohoo!

ah nerds!

Frickin' dammit!!! I changed the rating thinger thing on my posts and now ALL my ratings have vanished. Its like the googs doesn't even care about my need to fish for compliments. Pourquoi?!

Sorry guys!

UPDATE: I've gotten the 'funny' bit back...If anyone has any suggestions - comment on this shizzle.

a lesson learned

the cupcake factor

I get it already: 'ooooh, everybody loves us cause we're god damn cupcakes!' - shut your friggin' gobs, alright?! 

and for the love of god, will someone please make me a bloomin' lasagne cupcake!

raw talent

For future reference, the bug with the pink hair is a tramp. It just kind of happened. I think I'm going to call her Lauren (whoren? No, that's a fucking awful joke).

sleep

When it comes to functioning on very little sleep, I am a lot like those wind up toy thingies one use to be able to get from say, a McDonald's happy meal. Although I think that now, one would only get some choke-stabbing-std-devil juice-proof-led paint-free plastic figurine that does nothing cool, not even glow in the dark. 

But as I was saying, whilst awake on very little sleep (like today, where I showed up to work at 6:50am), I am like a wind-up toy that you have to push a few times to rev it up then let it go and it rides around all by itself for like, three feet. I only have about one day of staying up late/getting up early energy in me, then I wind down completely and things get really weird.

That is all. 

unexplainable caps lock fury

Officially,  I would tend to agree that using the caps lock key is rarely acceptable. But really, when my violent rage sets in and I shamelessly lay on the caps lock key - it makes my inner badass, driven by hungry anger, stand to full attention, smoking unfiltered French cigarettes and lighting molotov cocktails with its demon fire breath.

But sadly, does it really make all the people fear me? No. It makes me sound like a dingbat.

Is it even actually louder? Unlikely. 

the pea wee'ded on da floor

uh oh.

I think I am going to name him stumpy (or stumpea??). Meh. 

dis how I roll

...and

meet napoleon

There have been babies in the past. There will be babies in the future. And then there is Napoleon.

I have an 8 month old niece. She is French, short, has tiny fists of fury and shits all over anyone who shall fear it - she is Napoleon IV.